Are We Really Afraid To Tell The Truth Or Is It That We Just Refuse To?

Recently while scanning the newest edition of POZ magazine, I suddenly became compelled by an article written about HIV disclosure, and the various laws being enacted to jump start this campaign effort. But what caught my attention the most, was one particular sentence that interjected the idea that asking people to disclose their diagnosis to potential sexual partners, could very well cause some grief; and in some instances, evoke countless people to remain silent altogether.

Yet what I found even more alarming about this particular issue, is the fact that HIV has been a part of our society for almost thirty years. But more importantly, those of us living with this virus willfully neglect to realize the power we possess. Truth is, if we took the initiative to educate society about the facts, such evils as stigmas and discrimination towards us would become a thing of the past.

I mean, sure, in some instances there are some people who will reject you for being honest. However, their fear only derives from a lack of knowledge on the subject. This is why I’ve taken the initiative to stand up and speak out; hoping that doing so, will encourage you to do the same.

In addition, I believe taking this active role towards encouraging you to relinquish your fear about disclosure, will help you acquire the inner courage you need to change your life for the better. I mean let’s be honest, isn’t it easier to accept your diagnosis when there’s someone else living with the same virus, who demonstrates the very energy you seek to possess? Or, who seems to be more capable of being open and honest about being positive, but without any level of regret and or, fear of speaking out publicly?

Truthfully speaking, when I first found out I was infected I was devastated! So much, I didn’t rush out and tell the world. In fact, I thought being infected was the worse thing ever. As a result, I refused to tell anyone. Afterwards, I continued living a vicarious life; fantasizing that I was someone who was completely free and clear of what I was running from.

However, when reality hit me, I was the one left holding the bag, looking dazed and confused; wondering why I had allowed myself to succumb to such a low point in my life. Truthfully speaking, I had lost complete confidence in myself, let alone, anyone who cared about my well being.

And it wasn’t until after I struggled with my inner emotions, did I begin to evaluate what I had done to myself, as well as others. And eventually, I learned how to forgive myself. No longer was I willing to run from my own mistakes, because I knew I had to accept my faults and move forward.

Once I attained that truth, I was then able to begin rebuilding who I was from the inside out. And believe me, examining some of the ugly things I once stooped so low to do in order to attain just a little attention, was atrocious! However, after setting my mind free, I began learning how to put things into perspective, so that I could rebuild my self esteem.

And in doing that, I soon began to find solace and self-acceptance. Finally, I was able to embrace the man in the mirror and laugh. I mean, to the point of having tears in my eyes, because I found a place inside of me, I never knew existed. So this is my sole purpose of presenting these thoughts to you.

Yes, reality is scary, especially our own. But we can change our reality, one- day- at- a- time, if only we are willing to make the changes. After all, aren’t you ready to face the person in the mirror with a renewal of joy and self worth?

Besides, who knows, maybe after reading each one of these entries, you will attain the strength you need to free yourself and begin living life as you once did, long before you knew anything about HIV. So please, take a few minutes and meditate on these words I’m sharing with you; and by all means, evaluate your own circumstances. Because after all, don’t you deserve to be free of the pain, suffering, and fear you have been harboring since the day you tested positive?